In today's world, what is it we are looking for in a Boy-Friends, Partners & Lovers? What is important to us?
I always hear people say . . .
"He should be loyally"
"He should be good looking"
"He should have his own money"
"He should have a good self image of himself"
"He should be independent"
So this leads me to ask the question, What is it we as Gay Men in 2007 really want?
I know for myself, what I'm looking for is someone who is . . . . .
1. Happy with who he is
2. Has a passion for life
3. Lives to fulfil his dreams
So is this to short of a list?
Should we even have a list?
Or even have any expectations about someone we have yet to met?
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6 comments:
Here are my thoughts:
Is it really realistic to have so many preconceptions? I find it
interesting to hear the lament of so many of the singletons, of which I am one, "Why can't I meet the right guy?"
Think about this, when creating all these standards up to which a potential mate must meet, isnt there there the SLIGHTEST chance one may be alientating
potential prospects by doing so?
Hypothetical question, regarding "The Guy". What if, say one met a great guy, seems perfect on paper, but then there is a flaw or even several.
Let's say, he meets all THE requirements, but ends up having bad credit or issues with his family or he is overly-emotional at times. These may not measure up to the preconceptions, but are they reasons to dismiss someone out of hand?
Part of the problem seems to be the quest for validation and immediate gratification. For some reason, it seems there is always something better out there, something more attractive, more alluring. Do we all want what we
can't have, therefore we want it even more?
Now, I'm not proposing settling for the first jerk who has a heartbeat and is presentable. But, as for those wants, I propose something simple. How about just some old-fashioned chemistry? Physical, spiritual and mental.
The rest, just take it as it comes. Be accepting (not to a fault, but within reason. Obviously, if a guy has a psychotic break, he may not be
right for dating), be generous of spirit and open-minded. The rest, as they say, will simply fall into place.
Too juvenile? Simplistic? Only some thoughts from a country cousin.
Now...I do have to concur with some of the previous posts. However, I would like to reiterate what blogger #2 pointed out....we, as gay men, need to lighten up a little. We also need to stop seeking from potential partners the nurturing-care we should've gotten from mom and dad. I fear when "THE ONE" does finally come along with his sweet, ordinary, average-looking, imperfect, slightly plain, although well-adjusted self, he'll be scared away or worse passed over because we’re all looking for something that doesn’t exist.
I mean seriously...and I feel I can say this with a fair amount of certainty...whatever it is you think you should be looking for in a guy, probably doesn't exist. And if it does, that guy is probably seeking someone other than you. So why have the discussion and ponder what it is we’re looking for in a guy. We should be content to meet someone who’s a member of this superficial community, comfortable in his own skin, able to tolerate our bullshit, and honest enough to love us just for being us.
Now that I’ve gotten that out...hope isn't completely lost and hoping to meet "THE ONE" does have its merits. I mean that’s what “...life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” is all about...looking for that which you may not find. Hell, it’s a belief this country was built on.
I guess what I’m really saying is, us gay men need to know that we can't find what we never had to lose. Stop conducting interviews with men and calling them dates. Going out on dates with gay men can often seem like they’re on a hunt for a missing person. Let’s stop acting as though God made this “perfect” man just for us and all we’ve got to do is find him.
We should all change our ways right now if for no other reason than, it seems we’re all looking for that same perfect guy. Not only does he not exist, but if he did the odds you’d get him would be really bad. So stop trying to find “that guy”. You know “that guy”...the one in our mind’s eye with the beautiful teeth, the muscle body, the big dick, the great group of friends, the beautiful house, and the six-figure job.
We should seek out the goodness in people (yes there’s some in everyone) and let the rest fall into place on its own.
Gay men have to learn to be content with who they are and enjoy their lives so when "THE ONE" does finally come along...he's the frosting and not the cake.
Sincerely,
"Hopeful Romantic"
Before one looks for THE boy-friend, partner lover...shouldn't we know exactly what we are offering? I learned not to compromise myself for someone else. I wouldn't want someone to compromise who they are just to be in a relationship.
As we mature, we face a bit of an identity crisis, I have observed we tend to compensate with larger purchases - a flashy car, exotic trips, larger home, designer clothes, etc. as we seek to maintain our youth. We have no problem identifying or buying the superficial beauty around us, but its own more difficult to identify and celebrate the beauty within.
We can see our friends perfectly, but we can't seem to see ourselves clearly.
When was the last time I had enought self-confidence to walk up to guy I'm interested in and introduce myself, not often enough. That fear of rejection holds us back, but we have no problem finding guys to introduce to our friends?
Give me:
A man who is brave.
A man who asks for help, vulnerability is sexy.
The man who will ask the video store clerk for the HOTTEST porn.
A man who is sensative.
A man who can babysit for the nieces and nephews.
A man who wears a jockstrap under his Tux.
The man without inhibitions.
A man who captures my imagination.
My perspective is from 9 years of being in a relationship...
In the beginning - I suspect it was more about hair color, eyes, height, weight, clothes, emotional nature, blah, blah, blah...
Today - looking back - it's about finding the person that completes you, that becomes your best friend, that you would rather stay home and hang out with (instead of going to a bar or even out with friends), and quite importantly - someone you can actually live with! Idiosyncrasies become surprisingly magnified after many years.
With regards to the blogger who wrote about the identity crisis and correlation to larger purchases… I suspect that’s true with some – though in my own case I have to say I finally have enough money to take those big trips and actually afford a vehicle built in the current decade! Who cares about clothes… Go naked!
Good for people to know.
Wow all I can say is that you are a great writer! Where can I contact you if I want to hire you?
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